I wanted to read about my primary school classmate Suresh Menon. I checked on the internet - as soon as i found out about how succesful he was the negative emotions are starting to set in.
Negative thoughts - I am not okay he is okay, i am inferior, why am i a failure
A stranger for 30 years who suddenly i wanted to know. Did i ever think what upheavals would he have gone through in his life. Did he find god like i did? Is he as happy as i am now. Does he have a wonderful son and a wife like me.
I felt sorry for myself, why i wasted my opportunities in schoo and why i did not pursue my higher education.
Negative thought - Regret, feeling sorry.
So i wasted them and know i have learnt from my mistakes and Carmen and me are doing the best for our son. This is the Lord's greatest blessing to me, my most blissful and joyous moment in life - right now
Suddenly i did not want to call him, feeling inferior and wheather he would want to talk to me at all.
Negative thought - I am not okay, what will he think.
Yeah so he's gonna talk about tennis which i know a bit myself.I can talk about stocks which i am quite well versed with. I am comfortable, i can talk with the big wigs as well as move with the small guys. People look to me for earning money - hey isn't that some responsibility and stature.