Monday, February 15, 2010

horse racing

I am not sure if i can make money at the races

my luck is really bad lately

somehow something prevents me from playing the winner

i am just not able to strike the forecast 3 and forecast 4

i play races that i have no confidence of winning

my confidence is really low at the moment


Saturday, February 6, 2010

I get angry when things do not go my way
I expect others to behave the way i want them to
I always want Carmen to understand and agree with me
I cannot tolerate Menaish's annoying ways

Thursday, November 26, 2009

simulation and counter thought

I knew something like was going to happen. Dubai defaulting on their huge debt has sent all the world markets reeling down.
Negative thoughts - Wishing for the worst, fear.
Who am i kidding. I coudn't have guessed this at all, no way. It caught me by suprise.

I of course was left angry with myself again - why i did not sell all my shares.
Negative thought - I should have, i am not okay.
I sold beautifully today nearly everything. Anyway i know our market has corrected very well ecpecially the cheap shares have been free falling. If at all MONDAY is a time to bargain hunt. Park to buy at rock bottom prices and i might just get lucky. This is not a time to worry - seek opportunity.

Fear is also building up , what is going to happen to our market. A selldown looks imminent.
Negative thought - Fear,restlessness.
I know the cheap counters have all been viciously sold down. Another sharp drop on Monday is going to make it real cheap. All the big traders out there are going to be thinking like me There is definately going to be opportunity.

I am fearing the worst. With the month drawing near this coudn't happen at a worse time.
Negative thought - I cannot take it.
This is not a time for cowardice. How many times i have seen situations like this - there is always money making oppotunities. Think about time and green packet - they already look cheap today, with the extra fall on Monday it is a real chance.

How i am i going to raise money for next month.
Negative thought - I cannot.
Think do not give up, have faith in god, remeber talam and 4388, how did that happen - have faith in god and there will be a way.

What about Akbal"s account, how am i going to cover the losses. Its going to be a torturous three days before i get back to the market.
Negative thought - He is going to be angry, i cannot take it.
Remember when everyone is panicking there is going to be opportunity. Just stay cool and bide my time.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

simulation and counter thought

I wanted to read about my primary school classmate Suresh Menon. I checked on the internet - as soon as i found out about how succesful he was the negative emotions are starting to set in.
Negative thoughts - I am not okay he is okay, i am inferior, why am i a failure
A stranger for 30 years who suddenly i wanted to know. Did i ever think what upheavals would he have gone through in his life. Did he find god like i did? Is he as happy as i am now. Does he have a wonderful son and a wife like me.

I felt sorry for myself, why i wasted my opportunities in schoo and why i did not pursue my higher education.
Negative thought - Regret, feeling sorry.
So i wasted them and know i have learnt from my mistakes and Carmen and me are doing the best for our son. This is the Lord's greatest blessing to me, my most blissful and joyous moment in life - right now

Suddenly i did not want to call him, feeling inferior and wheather he would want to talk to me at all.
Negative thought - I am not okay, what will he think.
Yeah so he's gonna talk about tennis which i know a bit myself.I can talk about stocks which i am quite well versed with. I am comfortable, i can talk with the big wigs as well as move with the small guys. People look to me for earning money - hey isn't that some responsibility and stature.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

simulation and counter thought

Why is Lam not helping me out, i really hate him for this.
Negative thought - He must, I am okay - he is not okay,anger.
Why should he, he is not under any obligation to help me. I can hate as much as i want and stress myself up,he is not going to know or feel a thing.

I mean its from my source that he is making money to cover his losses.
Negative thought - he must be grateful
So will he close shop if i stop giving him info. Does not the Lord tell me to help without any obligations. Maybe on Monday he will come out with a proposal.

He bends over backwards to help Azman and what he is rewarded with - 40k losses.
Negative thought - Wish him bad, serves him right.
I am prayerful, how can i wish him this, if it can happen to him, it can happen to me too. He was only helping Azman to get info which he so kindly shared with me. I wish him well - truly he is undeserving of the losses. Anyway if he can recoup some of the losses, he might be more forthcoming in helping me.

Yet he patronizes Azman and me his collegue whose half comission he pockets every month, is ignored.
Negative thought - He must, he is ignorant
The agreement was always for the comission to be shared 50:50, so why crib now. He is only good to Azman because he is desperate to collect the losses, i am sure he realizes it as a silly mistake.

Knowing how if iam suffering financially, i cannot understand why he refuses to lend a helping hand.
Negative thought - Restless, he is not okay, he is mean.
I have worked with him for years- he is not a mean person. Its just to bad he is also undergoing hardship. In different circumstances he would have definately helped.

All that talk of his about human compassion is just crap - he is just a stingy bastard at heart.
Negative thought - I am judging, I am swearing.
Am i any different, i pray everyday and yet when i get annoyed the Lord's words are forgotten as i go on ranting and raving. He is also coming to terms with his weaknesses just like me. Hopefully we will be 2 better people in the future.

I will show him as soon as i get my deposit and take all my clients and start off independently. I am sure he is going regret being so silly.
Negative thought - Revenge, wish him the worst.
Go and set up operations independantly and i will remain on friendly terms. Afterall he has offered me shelter for 10 years without intefering in my business. I owe him a lot and what i am today is because of him. When i pray i will ask for forgiveness and ask God to take take away the bitterness in my heart towards Lam. He is not the cause of my suffering, it is my own doing. I know i will come out of it with Lord Jesus Christ's help - I will be okay and Lam should be okay to.

Monday, November 16, 2009

simulation and counter thought

I worry why i am not able to generate income at all.
Negative thought - Frustration and restlessness
I knoe deep inside that god has given me so much in this tumultous period of having no money. Yes it is pretty though without money but look at the blessings i have recieved. God brought me to him and accecptedly me whole heartedly. He listened to my prayer one day, just one day and kept me away from sin. A sin that has been with me for 30 over years and which i never could eradicate, just one prayer and i have been a new man for the last 1 over year. God taught me how to live the way i always wanted. I have also learn to live with my family, appreciating them. Everyday is a day of joy for us regardless of our financial setbacks. I had all the money before but i was like a lost soul in the middle of the ocean.

All my sources of income have dried up. Stocks that i buy just refuse to go up and usually starts moving up after i sell.
Negative thought - why is this happening to me, frustration
I remember that bus ticket on the way back from church, how i was shown 4 numbers and i was guided the next day on how to buy the numbers from 1 + 3 D, going through the newspaper and finding out i had struck. I know i am in god's thoughts, he rather see me become a decent human being first before taking care of the financial aspect. I leave it in his good hands, because i have no idea how god is going to deliver the reward. Why should i worry when i have seen miracles happen to me so many times before.

Furthermore i am really scared to hang on to stocks as i am trading in someone else's account and have no room for error.
Negative thought - Fear, helplessness
Of course i am only human so this kind of worries will be there. I know that the Lords blessings will land me a big winner or a big client soon, very very soon.

With the month approaching to an end the pressure is really on me to come up with some cash to meet December's expenses. What must i do, i need a break badly.
Negative thought - I must do something
I have recieved help, divine help and guidance when i was lost at sea. God did not let me down then, what now when i have become his humble servant with utmost sincerity. I only need god to be on my side, i can handle all other matters